"YA THERE DAD?'
I lay here tonight, my mind drifting as I listen to Josh (Groban). My spirit wanes momentarily as thoughts flash back to times past. I wish I could share this new album (Awake) with you. Do you remember how you intently listened to Josh's words, attempting to snatch those catch lines and sing with him? I do. You always did enjoy a good tenor or baritone. **chuckling a bit** Hell, you use to drive us all nuts on occasion as you attempted to give us your vocal version of the 'greats.' I'm not sure Mario Lanza will ever sound the same. I am here right now, eyes welling a tad but with the biggest smile across my face.
How can I forget those goofy moments of yours when you'd belt a Sinatra tune out for mom, that silly smirk on your face, those eyes rolling over to the side, the eyebrows moving slyly up and down, those lips puckered right in front of mom, and mom meekishly (intentionally I suppose **one more chuckle** ) fending you off, taking a swat at you but laughing as she did it. And you just grabbing her back until you stole that one kiss.
Damn...I wish I could capture that last real hug and kiss that I gave you. I can still see that Sunday night. You feeling totally down, the depression almost worse that the cancer itself. It was time for me to head home but part of me wanted to stay longer...to forget about work the following day. I began to leave after saying goodbye and as I passed you, I remember simply feeling compelled to give you that kiss I so seldom gave you. My hands slid under your lifeless arms, arms that had represented all the strength in the world at one time. I squeezed you, gave you the biggest hug I had ever given you, pulling you partially up off your recliner. And then that big kiss on your left cheek and that half-choked "I LOVE YOU DAD."
I know I have said this far too many times to ever recall a number....but I MISS YOU DAD, SO SO MUCH! At least I find comfort dad in the strength that your death has given me in sharing my experiences about it with others. And I have met a few. I hope someone finds meaning in what I do share...if it generates one smile, if it lessens someone's grief a wee bit then I know you are near by. "Dad...can you do me a royal favor and ask the good Lord to help me sleep tonight, 'cause right now it ain't lookin' to good. Night!" (12:38am, Thursday morning)
***Sorry guys...a bit melancholy tonight thanks to listening to Josh Groban. My dad loved him. And well next Wednesday will be 4 years since he passed away. Smiley and Rob...guess tonight I'm in unison with the way you two have felt over the last couple of months as those anniversary dates have come and gone. ****
How can I forget those goofy moments of yours when you'd belt a Sinatra tune out for mom, that silly smirk on your face, those eyes rolling over to the side, the eyebrows moving slyly up and down, those lips puckered right in front of mom, and mom meekishly (intentionally I suppose **one more chuckle** ) fending you off, taking a swat at you but laughing as she did it. And you just grabbing her back until you stole that one kiss.
Damn...I wish I could capture that last real hug and kiss that I gave you. I can still see that Sunday night. You feeling totally down, the depression almost worse that the cancer itself. It was time for me to head home but part of me wanted to stay longer...to forget about work the following day. I began to leave after saying goodbye and as I passed you, I remember simply feeling compelled to give you that kiss I so seldom gave you. My hands slid under your lifeless arms, arms that had represented all the strength in the world at one time. I squeezed you, gave you the biggest hug I had ever given you, pulling you partially up off your recliner. And then that big kiss on your left cheek and that half-choked "I LOVE YOU DAD."
I know I have said this far too many times to ever recall a number....but I MISS YOU DAD, SO SO MUCH! At least I find comfort dad in the strength that your death has given me in sharing my experiences about it with others. And I have met a few. I hope someone finds meaning in what I do share...if it generates one smile, if it lessens someone's grief a wee bit then I know you are near by. "Dad...can you do me a royal favor and ask the good Lord to help me sleep tonight, 'cause right now it ain't lookin' to good. Night!" (12:38am, Thursday morning)
***Sorry guys...a bit melancholy tonight thanks to listening to Josh Groban. My dad loved him. And well next Wednesday will be 4 years since he passed away. Smiley and Rob...guess tonight I'm in unison with the way you two have felt over the last couple of months as those anniversary dates have come and gone. ****
posted by Tony @ 11/16/2006 12:37:00 AM
11 comments
11 Comments:
Damnit, Tony! That was beautiful!
First, I love Josh Groben myself.
Secondly, you uncannily described my last days with my dad who died in 1980 from lung cancer. As I grew up my father was very cold in an emotional way, very befitting of his "Prussian" upbringing. That changed. In the last months that he was alive, struggling for breath, I never failed to kiss him and to tell him I loved him each time I had to leave. To this day, I still miss him and the closeness that we finally had before his end.
Thank you for sharing this significant moment.
Today is one year since my mother died of cancer at 70. As I write this my dad is in his final stages of leukemia. He has stopped getting blood and will die any day now. He is 73. It's still so young. We said our goodbyes Sunday. It is amazing how a certain song, a color or a smell can haunt you. I miss mom so bad and I miss dad already.
Your love for your Dad flows from every word of this post, it was beautiful. Remember his smile, his laughter, hold fast to all the times you shared with him, keep them safe, keep them in your heart, and your Dad will always be with you.
Damn you for making me cry at work...
Tony, that was absolutly beautiful... you were a lucky man to have such a wonderful father... I know hou much you love him and how much you miss him...
I know you will never lose the memories... another man in your life with a silly smirk...
that was just so incredible, very touching. Thanks for sharing this. Hugs from Florida to California!
Very beautiful post Tony.
Josh can bring on the melancholy in all of us I think.
Beautifully written Tony!
I lost my mom many years ago. She was only 52, I was 24. Both too young. I moved home to care for her those last few months and still cherish every moment.
Big hug!!
My dad died when I was young, over thirty years ago. I still miss him.
Josh Grobin can do that to people.
Damn him!! Damn him and his perfect David Foster-produced albums!!
very moving, I know how you feel completely
D x
Tears here, big smile, heart kind of hurts, but kind of feels OK too. I feel like we should all get "been there and done that" t-shirts to wear at our "Parents Have Left Us" club meetings. A day doesn't pass without remembering mine...wonderful, cheerful, amazing man, terribly death story (another time in my site). Stay in touch....I'd like to.
Post a Comment
<< Home